As a relationship therapist with over 15 years of experience counseling couples, I’ve seen the full spectrum of marriages – from the blissfully happy to the hopelessly broken. Unfortunately, I’ve had to help many clients realize when it’s time to call it quits on a relationship that’s past the point of repair.

Ending a marriage is never easy. The decision to get divorced is life-changing and often heartbreaking. But staying in an unhappy, unhealthy marriage can be even worse for your emotional well-being.

If you’re wondering if divorce is right for you, these 15 signs can help you gain clarity:

1. You Have Completely Separate Social Lives

When you first fell in love, you likely had overlapping social circles and loved spending time together with friends. Now, years into the marriage, you realize you each have totally separate social lives.

You no longer get invited on nights out with your spouse’s work friends or college buddies. Your partner shows no interest in attending your book club or family gatherings. You’ve grown into individuals with disconnected support systems. This isolation from each other’s inner social circles is a red flag.

2. You Don’t Share Any Quality Time Together

Reflect on your daily routines – do you still share activities that involve true quality time? Or has most communication been reduced to coordinating schedules, chores, finances and childcare? Do you look forward to any shared hobbies or enjoy each other’s company?

Make an effort to remember the last time you felt truly engaged with your spouse. If it’s been months or longer, it’s a sign the meaningful connection has faded.

3. You Have Lost Physical Intimacy

It’s natural for the frequency of physical intimacy to fluctuate over the course of a long-term relationship. But if you’ve stopped being physically affectionate altogether, that’s a major warning sign.

If the thought of being intimate with your spouse makes you shudder, the romantic spark is likely gone. You may have grown so emotionally distant, being physically vulnerable with them seems undesirable or even scary.

4. One Partner Stops Trying

Repairing a struggling marriage takes effort from both parties. When one person completely gives up trying to fix the relationship issues, it’s impossible to get back on track.

Withdrawing from difficult conversions and refusing counseling are signs your partner is no longer willing to invest in the relationship. Without mutual commitment to improvement, the marriage is almost certainly headed for failure.

5. Your Partner Is Unwilling to Compromise

A successful marriage requires compromise from both spouses. If your partner refuses to find middle ground on important issues like relocating for a new job or having children, they are prioritizing their own desires over the relationship.

An inability to compromise results in feelings of resentment that are toxic to a marriage. When a spouse demonstrates they expect to get their way at your expense, it may be time to walk away.

6. Constant Fighting Over Finances

Money is frequently a point of contention in marriages. Disagreements may arise around overspending, secrecy around finances, debts, and how money is divided and saved.

Financial disputes become problematic when they happen repeatedly and remain unresolved. If you and your partner fight constantly about money without finding a solution, it likely points to irreconcilable differences in financial values and habits.

7. Lack of Communication and Understanding

Communication is the cornerstone of every healthy relationship. When spouses stop exchanging their feelings, needs and concerns with one another, the emotional intimacy breaks down.

Without open communication, resentments and misunderstandings build up. Spouses grow more distant and isolated. Restoring communication is essential in repairing a troubled marriage.

8. Dishonesty and Deception

Trust is impossible without honesty. When you or your partner are being dishonest and deceptive, the foundation of your marriage disintegrates.

Major lies like hidden debt, infidelity or addiction issues often lead directly to divorce. But even small lies slowly corrode intimacy over time, signaling erosion of trust.

9. Role Reversal with Your Kids

Children need parents, not the other way around. If you have started relying on your kids for emotional support, it’s a sign you are missing that nurturing in your marriage.

This parent-child role reversal unfairly burdens kids with adult issues they are unequipped to handle. Your spouse should be your primary source of comfort and support.

10. Fantasies About Divorce

Imagining how your life might look if you got divorced is normal when struggling through a difficult stretch in a marriage. However, if you find yourself constantly fantasizing about life after divorce, take it seriously.

Frequent thoughts about leaving your marriage signal you are deeply unhappy. While scary, focusing on your desire for a different life can motivate you to make necessary changes.

11. Feeling Lonely, Unloved and Unappreciated

Humans have an innate need to feel loved and valued by their romantic partners. If you perpetually feel insignificant, disrespected or mistreated by your spouse, it takes a major toll on your sense of self-worth.

Unmet emotional needs often prompt withdrawn spouses to seek validation outside the marriage, through emotional or physical affairs. Feeling chronically unhappy and unfulfilled is unsustainable.

12. Living Like Roommates

Many struggling couples describe feeling like roommates – sharing space and daily logistics without any real personal connection. If you’ve fallen into this trap, your marriage likely feels hollow.

Passionless partnerships that lack joy and intimacy often slip into separation or affairs. Listen to your heart if it tells you it desires more. You deserve a relationship that makes you feel alive.

13. Domestic Abuse

A marriage can never recover from domestic violence or abuse. These behaviors usually become more severe over time. Physical violence and intimidation have no place in a loving relationship.

If you or your children are unsafe, please reach out to local domestic violence resources to help you get to safety. You deserve to feel secure and respected in your own home.

14. Recurring Infidelity

It’s possible for some couples to heal after an affair, provided the unfaithful partner shows remorse and recommits fully to the relationship. However, repeat cheating almost always spells doom.

Serial infidelity indicates a lack of respect for the marriage vows and a desire to seek intimacy outside the relationship. Recovery is extremely difficult, if not impossible, when this pattern continues.

15. You Can’t Remember the Last Time You Felt Happy

It’s easy to lose sight of when your relationship stopped bringing you joy. Yet a marriage without any happiness is draining the life out of both partners.

If you’ve forgotten what it feels like to smile, laugh and feel content around your spouse, take it as a wake-up call. You deserve those feelings in your marriage every day. Divorce may be the pathway to finding them again.

Should You Stay or Should You Go?

If you recognized multiple signs on this list, you’re likely wondering whether divorce is inevitable or if there’s hope for turning your marriage around. Here are a few key considerations:

• How many of the problems are recent versus long-standing issues? Chronic problems that have plagued your relationship for years, without improvement, are often a sign it’s unsalvageable. However more recent troubles may still be resolvable.
• Has only one spouse given up? If your partner seems completely disengaged from working on your issues, the prognosis is grim. But if you’re both still hanging on to hope and willing to fight for the relationship, change is possible.
• Have you tried marriage counseling? Seeking professional help shows a commitment to saving your marriage. Even if only one person is willing to go initially, counseling may help you gain clarity on next steps.
• Are you still in love? Do you still yearn for moments of joy with your spouse amidst the hard times? Or have your feelings and hopes for the future evaporated? Your instincts will tell you if the spark remains.
• Is anyone in danger? If there is any threat to you or your children’s safety, your only priority is getting out. No marriage can be healed without physical and emotional safety as the foundation.

As you reflect on these considerations, give yourself grace to acknowledge your true feelings. Being scared of divorce does not mean you should stay. The decision to leave can be both traumatic and liberating. A caring professional counselor can guide you with compassion through this difficult discernment process.

If the signs point to your marriage being over, take steps to prioritize your health, safety and happiness as you move forward into your next chapter. You deserve to feel loved. It’s never too late to build the life you want. My door is always open.