As a relationship coach with over 15 years of experience counseling heartbroken clients, I know firsthand how excruciatingly painful it can be to let go of someone you love deeply. Whether it’s due to a traumatic breakup, unrequited love, or losing your soulmate, having to forget the person who means the world to you often seems downright impossible.
I myself have walked this agonizing path when my high school sweetheart and I separated after nearly a decade together. Forgetting her seemed unfathomable, and the grief swallowed me whole. I couldn’t eat, sleep, stop crying or get out of bed for days on end. The mere thought of a life without her by my side was too much to bear.
But with time, self-work and the support of loved ones, I did heal. And you can too. As brutal as it is, forgetting someone you adore is very much possible. This comprehensive guide shares the most effective tips I’ve gathered over 15 years of coaching hundreds of clients on how to let go and truly move on from a beloved person.
Accept That It’s Over
The first step is always the hardest: fully accepting that the relationship has ended for good. As long as you cling even loosely to some thread of hope that you’ll rekindle the romance, you cannot begin to heal.
I know how tempting it is to grasp at straws, to imagine that your ex will see the light and come back. Many of my clients get stuck in this phase for months or even years after the breakup, unable to acknowledge that it’s truly over. They end up stunted in their growth, pressing pause on their life as they wait for their ex.
But the cold, hard truth is: once it’s done, it’s done. The sooner you can accept this, the sooner your healing journey can begin. This means relinquishing any fantasies of a reconciliation and committing fully to moving forward. Trust me, it’s the only way through the grief.
Let Yourself Grieve
Grieving is essential. By allowing yourself to fully process the sadness, confusion, anger and pain, you give your wounded heart the space it needs to mend. Cry into your pillow, pour your feelings into a journal, scream into an abyss—do whatever helps you release the pent-up emotions so that you can slowly start feeling lighter.
Just don’t get stuck in grieving mode, which happens easily when focusing exclusively on what you lost. Also celebrate what you gained from the relationship, like meaningful memories and important life lessons. This balanced perspective is key.
Don’t Dwell on the Past
As you grieve, be vigilant not to spiral down the rabbit hole of retrospective rumination about your time together. Wondering what exactly went wrong or what you could have done differently leads nowhere positive. The relationship ended, period. Dwelling on the past will only trap you there, unable to move forward.
When those guilt-ridden thoughts creep in, consciously redirect your mind to the present. Notice your surroundings using all five senses, repeat affirmations of self-love or turn on some upbeat music to shift your state—anything to avoid fixating on the rearview mirror.
Remove Physical Reminders
Out of sight, out of mind is the motto here. Having visual cues like photos, love letters and gifts from your beloved everywhere only pours salt on the wound, making it near impossible to forget them.
As one of my clients did, consider packing up mementos and stowing them away rather than discarding them entirely. That way, you honor the meaningful moments you shared without the constant painful reminders.
Creating physical distance is key in establishing emotional distance from the one you love. This clears vital space for you to heal and let go.
Unfriend/Unfollow On Social Media
In today’s hyper-connected online era, it’s all too easy to keep tabs on an ex’s life through social media. But when trying to forget someone, lurking their Instagram and Facebook feeds only results in pointless pain.
You might convince yourself that “just checking won’t hurt,” but even the most innocuous post can trigger a flood of emotional turmoil that sets you back days in the healing process. For your own sanity, unfriend and unfollow them everywhere. No exceptions.
Many of my clients confess to creating fake profiles just to monitor their ex online post-breakup. Trust me: this helps nothing and no one! Stay strong and cut the digital cord completely.
Fill Your Life With Joy
An essential step that’s often overlooked when trying to forget someone is actively cultivating joy through activities that engage your senses, tap your creativity, connect you with others and reignite your passion for life.
Sorrow so easily becomes an addictive escape when it fills the void left by a departed loved one—don’t let it consume you! Embrace hobbies that make your soul smile, let laughter and good company take the space where sadness once festered, and purposefully do one small act daily that gives you that “yes!” feeling, even if it’s just making the perfect sunny-side up egg or sitting in quiet meditation.
Let joy displace grief. It truly is that simple…and that challenging. But so unbelievably rewarding.
Cry It Out, Then Say Goodbye
Find a quiet space alone, with a box of tissues handy. Let the tears flow freely as you speak openly from your heart the goodbye you never got to say. Tell your beloved everything you need them to know: how deeply grateful you are for your time shared, how sad your soul feels at their absence, how ready you are to let go and forge ahead positively into this new chapter of life.
Many of my clients report feeling a huge sense of release and closure from this simple ritual. By mindfully moving through the pain with compassion towards themselves and their ex partners, they gain clarity and comfort, often for the first time since the loss.
Lean On Your Support System
It takes a village to mend a broken heart. Don’t isolate yourself in solitude and sadness. Reach out to close friends and family who can offer an empathetic ear, wise perspective, warm hugs, distracting adventures and unconditional support. Let yourself be vulnerable and accept love and care from those who sincerely want to see you thrive again.
Connecting with people who have walked this painful path themselves can also help normalize your struggles, offer comfort and hope, and remind you that you won’t always feel this way—joy and lightness will return. You are never alone in this.
Set New Goals & Pursue Passions
Losing love often leaves you feeling empty, aimless and unmotivated. Combat this by intentionally setting fresh goals and chasing stalled dreams. What have you always wanted to accomplish but somehow never found the time for? Write a book? Start a nonprofit? Run a marathon? Learn Italian? Achieving aims that light you up can help replace the sense of purpose the relationship once gave you.
Immerse yourself in neglected passions that make you come alive. When’s the last time you danced, wrote poetry or played guitar until your fingers bled? Reignite that inner fire. You owe it to yourself to thrive, not just survive. This is your time to rediscover who you truly are.
Take a Solo Adventure
Solo travel is hugely restorative after heartbreak, immersing you in fresh surroundings that help blast away the emotional cobwebs clinging from the past. Exploring novel places also sparks inspiration as you gain new perspective about what’s truly important and how wildly beautiful life can be.
Maybe it’s a yoga retreat to a Costa Rica beach that speaks to your soul, a visit to museums and historical sites in London or a backpacking trip exploring Australia’s Outback. Wherever you dream of going, take yourself there. The clarity and confidence gained from boldly venturing forth into the unfamiliar unaccompanied is invaluable.
Fully Forgive Your Ex & Yourself
Harboring bitterness or blame simply anchors you further to the pain, while genuine forgiveness liberates your spirit to love freely again. Recognize that you both did the best you could with the self-awareness and skills you possessed at the time. Of course mistakes were made—you’re perfectly imperfect human beings!—so forgive them, forgive yourself and move forward positively.
Forgiveness sets you free from toxicity and resentment, makes available emotional space for future healthy connections and honors that the relationship gifted you precious life-lessons…no matter how brutally gleaned. When you know better, you do better. So be gentle with yourself and your former partner. You deserve to make peace and walk lightly into the unknown.
Be Patient With Your Progress
There’s no shortcut when learning how to forget someone you love deeply. Rushing the process usually backfires by bottling up rather than releasing emotions that inevitably erupt later. Let your wounded self be wherever it’s at on this journey—some days you’ll feel optimistic and strong, while others find you weeping all the way home from the office when a certain song plays.
Celebrate minor milestones like making it through your ex’s birthday without texting them, feeling genuine excitement about a second date or realizing you forgot to gloomily measure how long it’s been since the breakup. See progress in every positive step forward, not just the giant leaps. With consistent care and compassion for where you’re at emotionally, moving on becomes an organic process.
As horribly hard as it is, forgetting someone you passionately love is absolutely possible. By fully grieving the loss, removing lingering triggers and actively creating a joy-filled life of meaning and purpose, you help gently close the book on your shared past. While scars remain, they transform from ragged gashes oozing pain to silvery etchings recounting life lessons, spurring you wiser and more resilient into exciting new adventures.
You got this. One breath at a time.
