As a relationship coach with over 15 years of experience counseling couples, I’ve seen how setting intentional marriage goals can transform relationships. When done right, clearly defining objectives and priorities for your marriage provides a roadmap to deepen intimacy, improve communication, and weather life’s challenges together.
In this comprehensive guide, I’ll share 23 researched-backed and time-tested techniques for fortifying your bond. Consider these the building blocks for constructing a healthy, resilient, and thriving partnership built to last.
Nurturing Emotional Intimacy
Emotional intimacy, the ability to be vulnerable and authentic with each other, is the foundation of a strong marriage. Without it, relationships strain under the pressure of life’s obstacles. Use these strategies to foster greater openness, trust, and connection.
1 – Learn Each Other’s Love Languages
Dr. Gary Chapman identified 5 Love Languages – words of affirmation, quality time, physical touch, acts of service, and gifts. Discovering your spouse’s primary languages and regularly expressing affection in those ways is key for meeting emotional needs. Make learning one another’s Love Languages and speaking them daily a top priority.
2 – Share Your Inner Worlds
Being willing to open up about your deepest thoughts, feelings, fears and dreams builds intimacy. Set aside 15 focused minutes every day to check in and share what’s going on internally. Listen without judgement and offer empathy.
3 – Validate Each Other Daily
Offering genuine praise and appreciation makes spouses feel seen, valued, and secure. Set a marriage goal to verbally validate your partner each day by noticing their efforts and expressing gratitude for their positive qualities. Studies show 5 positive interactions for every 1 negative interaction helps relationships thrive.
Improving Communication & Conflict Resolution
Lack of communication and unresolved conflicts erode emotional safety in relationships. But you can turn arguments into opportunities for growth with the right skills and mindset shift.
4 – Improve Listening Skills
Feeling truly heard deepens bonds. Set a marriage goal to sharpen your listening skills by making eye contact, paraphrasing what you hear to check understanding, asking thoughtful questions, and giving your full presence when your spouse is speaking.
5 – Share Constructive Feedback Lovingly
Discussing sensitive topics skillfully prevents small issues from ballooning into major rifts. Set a marriage goal to share tough feedback gently and respectfully by leading with the positive, owning your part, and suggesting solutions instead of just criticism.
6 – Fight Fair During Disagreements
Arguing harmfully ruins trust and connection. Set marriage goals around resolving conflicts in ways you both deem respectful. Useful ground rules: no name-calling, no dredging up the past, taking breaks if needed, aiming to understand rather than be right.
Reigniting Passion & Romance
In my experience counseling couples, many seek help because emotional disconnect inevitably dampens sexual intimacy over time. Reversing this trend requires intention and consistent effort.
7 – Flirt, Compliment & Seduce Often
Recreating the dynamic from your dating days keeps things spicy. Set marriage goals around flirty texting throughout the day, spontaneous words of desire, playful banter, and surprising romantic gestures to continually stoke the flames of passion.
8 – Experiment & Get Curious In The Bedroom
Another common issue I see is falling into boring, routine sex that leaves one or both partners unsatisfied. Combat sexual monotony with a marriage goal to step out of your comfort zone and try new things sensually and sexually on a regular basis. Approach lovemaking with openness and curiosity.
9 – Schedule Intimate Date Nights
It’s easy for busy schedules and exhaustion to push sex to the back burner. Protect your intimacy by putting standing date nights on the calendar where emotional and physical connection is the priority. Take turns planning creative nights focused solely on each other. No work talk or distractions allowed!
Building Shared Meaning & Purpose
Transitioning from “me” to “we” changes the trajectory of your lives forever. Embracing your transformed identity as a married team gives strength during trials and clarity when facing big decisions.
10 – Articulate Your Shared Vision
As your priorities shift from individual wants to mutual dreams, consciously defining the purpose of your marriage provides direction. Ask yourselves: what do we want to create/experience together? What values do we want our lives centered on? Describe your shared vision in writing to reference when facing choices.
11 – Establish Relationship Rituals & Traditions
Rituals reinforce your commitment and identity as a couple. Discuss meaningful practices you can embed into your normal rhythms – Friday night candlelit dinners, Saturday morning cuddle time, saying what you appreciate before bed. Establish special traditions around milestones like anniversaries and birthdays which highlight that you’re building a life together.
Improving Day-to-Day Partnership & Teamwork
Shared vision and values provide the foundation, but consistent teamwork around daily responsibilities cements bonds. Alignment in these areas prevents nitpicking and contention over petty issues from distracting you from bigger goals.
12 – Divide & Conquer Household Tasks
Nothing corrodes contentment like ongoing debates about dirty dishes, laundry and clutter. Set clear expectations for how you’ll split chores and responsibilities in a way you both feel is fair. Revisit as needed. If hiring help makes sense financially, discuss that option.
13 – Sync Up on Money Values, Goals & Habits
The #1 cause of divorce is disagreements about finances. Have candid conversations about your attitudes towards spending, saving and investing. Get on the same page with budgeting and financial objectives. Establish guidelines about discussing major purchases.
14 – Plan Stress-Relieving Couple Time
Between work, household obligations and children, burning out is all too easy for busy couples. Protect your bandwidth by coordinating regular joint stress relief – massages, baths together, meditation, garden walks. Prioritize calming activities without distractions to nourish your resilience.
Investing in Your Best Selves & Relationship
They say the #1 predictor of divorce is contempt. Prevent taking each other for granted by continually developing as individuals and nurturing your friendship. Remaining responsive to each other’s wants and needs safeguards your bond.
15 – Support Each Other’s Personal Goals
Be each other’s cheerleaders! Discuss individual hopes and ambitions and explore concrete ways to lift each other up – childcare help so she can take that pottery class, him joining a gym to get healthier, etc. Share progress and celebrate successes.
16 – Have Fun Together
Laughter and adventure keep relationships vibrant. Brainstorm playful activities you both enjoy – dancing in the kitchen, hiking, game nights with friends. Make lighthearted connection a priority by planning regular date nights centered around fun instead responsibilities.
17 – Keep Growing & Learning Together
The couples I see thrive over decades intentionally evolve together by acquiring new skills, perspectives and interests. Set marriage goals around researching relationship topics, taking workshops, reading books, listening to podcasts – whatever appeals – so you’re actively strengthening your bond.
Weathering Hardship United
When trauma and trials inevitably come, will your relationship withstand the storm or splinter under pressure? Bonds fortified with trust and commitment can not only survive but even deepen during darkness.
18 – Offer Total Acceptance
My friend, the road ahead holds highs and lows for us all. Yet challenges faced together form unbreakable bonds. I accept you fully – shadows, flaws and all – and commit to weathering all that comes wrapped in unconditional love.
19 – Prioritize Emotional Safety
Times of turmoil test the strength of relationships. Yet with radical trust, empathy and tenderness, we transform trials into growth. I vow to create an environment where you feel safe to process difficult emotions without fear of judgement from me.
20 – Be All In, No Matter What
Love, I promise to show up fully by your side in good times and bad with unwavering loyalty, faith in us, and determination to heal and thrive together. I commit to facing each obstacle in our path hand-in-hand. Where you go, I go.
Recommitting to Each Other & Your Marriage
The healthiest couples I’ve worked with over the years continually renew their dedication, even when things feel solid. They know lasting love requires active nourishment and choices grounded in gratitude for their spouse and relationship.
21 – Express Why You Chose Your Spouse
Reconnecting with the qualities that initially drew you together rekindles fondness and appreciation. Set marriage goals around regularly articulating both in writing and aloud what you uniquely cherish about your partner. Recall specific examples of their brightness.
22 – Verbalize Commitment Frequently
The stability of marriage can unconsciously breed a casual taking each other for granted over time. Combat indifference and revive passion by clearly stating your dedication frequently through notes, gestures and words. Routine visible reminders reinforce devotion.
23 – Give Thanks For Your Partnership
Cultivating consistent gratitude is key for maintaining the spark long-term. Establish a daily practice of privately thanking your partner and the universe for exactly what you have – a loving teammate by your side in this adventure called life.
The Bottom Line
Constructing an unshakable foundation and continually strengthening your marriage is possible with concerted effort centered around clearly defined objectives. Outline personalized marriage goals rooted in your vision for your lives together. Revisit them often to realign priorities and meet each other’s core emotional needs in deeper ways. When both individuals feel treasured, supported and valued, bonds naturally deepen, even during times of crisis. I wish you great success fortifying your commitment to creating an extraordinary marriage built to last.
