As a relationship coach who has worked with many married couples over the years, I understand the importance of keeping the romance alive in a marriage. While the early days of a relationship are filled with excitement, passion and grand romantic gestures, these tend to fizzle out as the realities of married life set in. However, this does not mean that romance has to completely disappear from your marriage. There are still many romantic things you can do for your husband to make him feel cherished, loved and special.
In my experience counseling married couples, I’ve found that both husbands and wives crave romance, though they may express it differently. Men appreciate feeling desired, admired and cared for just as much as women do. Doing romantic things for your husband reminds him that he still has your full attention and that the fire hasn’t gone out of your relationship. It brings back that spark and excitement that existed when you were dating and newlyweds.
The good news is, you don’t have to break the bank or plan elaborate activities to be romantic. Even small gestures and words of affirmation can go a long way in making your husband feel adored. Here are some romantic things I recommend to wives who want to surprise their husbands:
Compliment Him
Paying your husband a compliment is one of the simplest yet most powerful romantic gestures. Tell him how handsome he looks in that suit or how you admire his parenting skills or work ethic. Compliment him on his strengths and talents – this boosts his confidence and reminds him that you notice the great qualities in him.
I advise wives to make compliments specific rather than generic. For example, saying “I really appreciate how patient and kind you are with the kids” is more meaningful than just saying “You’re so great with the kids.” Be sincere and speak from the heart. Your words will have a bigger impact.
Leave Him Encouraging Notes
Take a page from your dating days and leave your husband little love notes in places you know he’ll find them – his laptop bag, the bathroom mirror, under his pillow, in his car. Keep them short but sweet. You can say something like “Thinking of you today hon. Love you” or “You looked so hot this morning. Wowza!”
These notes don’t have to be elaborate. The point is to flirt, encourage and let him know he’s on your mind. I’ve seen wives utilize this technique to great effect. It makes their husbands smile and feel desirable.
Cook His Favorite Meal
As they say, the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach. Why not prepare your husband’s favorite meal or dessert? Use this opportunity to showcase your cooking abilities and spoil him a little. Light some candles, put on romantic music, and serve him his favorite dish. This is a simple yet incredibly thoughtful gesture.
If cooking is not your forte, you can order takeout from his favorite restaurant. The point is to intentionally do something you know will make him happy. He will appreciate the effort you put in.
Recreate Your First Date
Feeling nostalgic? Plan a surprise date night and recreate your first date as a couple. Go back to the same restaurant or activity. Reminisce about your early days together. This is a fun and romantic trip down memory lane that allows you to relive the excitement and newness of your relationship.
You can even take it up a notch by wearing similar outfits to what you wore on your first date. These small details make the experience even more special.
Give Him a Massage
Treat your husband to a relaxing massage after a long stressful day. Work out any knots in his shoulders and back. You can give him a full body massage or just focus on his head, neck and shoulders – whatever he enjoys. Light candles, play soothing music and use massage oil or lotion to help him unwind.
Your husband will love the opportunity to lay back and be pampered. A massage is also a great segue to intimacy if you’re both in the mood.
Plan a Weekend Getaway
If you can swing it, book a weekend stay at a nice hotel or resort for just the two of you. Get away from the kids, work and responsibilities of daily life. Spend quality time together, enjoy new experiences and reconnect.
Look for deals on hotels and activities so you can indulge without breaking the bank. The change of scenery and one-on-one time together will do wonders for your relationship. My clients report feeling closer than ever after romantic weekend getaways.
Leave Flirty Notes
In the early days of dating, you may have left each other flirty little notes and love letters. Bring back that playful spark by leaving suggestive, flirty notes for your husband to find. Send him a teasing text about what you want to do to him later.
Slide a suggestive note into his wallet or briefcase. Mail him a love letter reminiscing about a passionate encounter. Have fun reminiscing and building anticipation for time alone. A little naughtiness keeps things exciting.
Initiate a Candlelit Bubble Bath
Draw a warm bubble bath, light some candles around the tub, pour two glasses of wine and invite your husband to join you. This intimate, relaxing soak provides the perfect atmosphere to enjoy conversation and physical closeness.
Give each other massages as you lounge in the tub. The candles, bubbles and wine will get you both feeling relaxed and romantic. Make it a soothing, sensual experience you’ll want to repeat often.
Say “I Appreciate You”
Expressing sincere appreciation has immense power in a marriage. We often focus on the negative instead of making a point to verbally acknowledge what our spouse contributes. When you notice your husband doing something helpful – no matter how small – say “I appreciate you taking out the trash” or “Thank you for playing with the kids while I cooked dinner.”
Gratitude reassures your spouse and motivates them to continue contributing. Saying “I appreciate you” in any context reminds your husband he is valued.
Hold Hands in Public
It’s easy for busy couples to stop engaging in little displays of affection like holding hands. But linking hands reminds you both that you’re a team. When you’re out walking together, grab his hand. Or reach for his hand and give it a squeeze when you’re sitting side by side.
These small gestures send the message that you’re proud to be by his side and you still find satisfaction in physical closeness. Don’t underestimate the power of touch to create intimacy.
Work Out Together
Healthy couples make time to exercise and stay active together. Why not try a fitness class designed for couples, like partner yoga, tennis, dance lessons, martial arts or rock climbing? Working up a sweat together releases feel-good endorphins and brings a sense of togetherness.
You can also go for romantic walks or bike rides outdoors. Exercising as a couple provides an opportunity to chat and motivate one another towards fitness goals. Plus, seeing your partner’s body in action isn’t a bad perk!
Do a Boudoir Photo Shoot
Want an exciting surprise for your hubby? Schedule a professional boudoir photo shoot to capture some tasteful, intimate portraits just for his eyes. You’ll look amazing and feel confident getting dolled up and posing in lingerie or other alluring outfits. Then watch your husband’s eyes light up when you present him with a printed photo album or digital copies.
The sexy photos serve as a unique, romantic gift he can enjoy and look back on fondly. Plus, seeing your sensual side will ignite his passion for you.
Say “I’m Proud of You”
Express how proud you are of your husband’s accomplishments, whether big or small. Did he recently get recognized at work? Close a big sale? Stick to his workout goals? Tell him: “I’m so proud of you for winning that account!” or “You worked really hard to meet that deadline. I’m proud of your dedication.”
Your praise reassures him that you respect his efforts and are in his corner cheering him on. We all want our spouses’ admiration. When you verbalize your pride, he will be motivated to keep making you proud.
Plan Romantic Surprises
Think back to what your husband enjoys and plan little surprises that show you pay attention. Cook his favorite meal, buy tickets to see his favorite team or musician, organize a fun outing with his buddies.
If he’s had a grueling week, surprise him by sending the kids to grandma’s house for the night so you can have the place to yourselves. Tailor your gestures and surprises based on his unique interests. Seeing his eyes light up will warm your heart.
Initiate a Spontaneous Night In
Sometimes a night out is less appealing than an impromptu night in filled with romance. Send your husband a text like “I arranged for the kids to have slumber parties tonight. How do you feel about just you and me and a bottle of wine at home? Wear something easy to take off…”
Then surprise him by greeting him at the door dressed up. Light candles, put on music, order takeout and savor this intimate time alone. Simple yet romantic.
Write a Heartfelt Love Letter
In today’s digital age, sitting down to handwrite a love letter is an incredibly meaningful gesture. Pour out your affection and admiration on paper. Compile a list of all the things you cherish about your husband. Describe favorite memories created together. This personal gift provides tangible proof of your love he can read again and again.
Make sure to seal your letter in an envelope and address it for a nice finishing touch. Your thoughtful words will touch his heart.
The many duties and stresses of daily life can sometimes overshadow romance between married couples. However, keeping the spark alive is crucial for a fulfilling, lifelong marriage. It comes down to intentionally making your husband feel special, loved and appreciated.
Implementing even a few of these romantic gestures is sure to put a smile on his face. Your relationship will reap the benefits of you both feeling closer, excited and positively impacted by one another. Make it a goal to surprise your husband with romance periodically. After all, you both deserve to experience the same butterflies you did as newlyweds!
