As a relationship coach with over 15 years of experience counseling couples, I’ve heard about plenty of awkward first date conversations. First dates are nerve-wracking as you try to make a good first impression, so it’s understandable to have some missteps. However, there are certain topics best avoided to increase your chances of a successful first date that could lead to a second one. After reviewing insights from experts and first-hand accounts, I’ve compiled this definitive list of 13 things you shouldn’t talk about on a first date.
1. Don’t Make Off-the-Cuff, Judgmental Comments
It can be tempting to make blunt observations or critical remarks to be funny or interesting. However, offensive comments about your date’s appearance, interests, job or background can quickly ruin an otherwise good first date. As one expert advised, avoid judgemental or negative offhand remarks until your date understands your sense of humor better. It’s better to come across as courteous so you both feel comfortable deciding if there’s enough chemistry for a second date.
2. Don’t Gush Over Your Date Excessively
It’s normal to feel a thrill of excitement and possibility on a first date with someone you find attractive. However, gushing over every little thing your date says or does can come across as inauthentic or smothering. As a relationship develops, intimacy and expressions of admiration happen organically. Resist the temptation to lavish excessive compliments to avoid scaring your date off.
3. Don’t Badmouth Your Ex
First dates often involve discussing past relationships, which is understandable. However, complaining bitterly about an ex seems immature and baggage-ridden, making it unlikely your date will see your potential as a partner. We all have relationship regrets, but save refraining from blame and focusing on positive lessons learned for future dates once you know each other better.
4. Don’t Share Your Number of Past Partners
Curiosity about a new date’s romantic history is expected, but avoid directly asking or oversharing details about past partners. Discussing numbers and frequency of past relationships or sexual encounters can easily cross privacy boundaries or stir up jealousy. Keep conversation light and centered on learning about each other in the moment instead.
5. Don’t Bring Up Marriage or Kids
If you’re eager to settle down, it’s tempting to find out if your date shares similar relationship goals right away. However, bringing up timelines about marriage, kids or even future dates on a first date can terrify your companion. These intimate topics warrant much deeper discussion in a committed relationship, not when you’re still evaluating initial compatibility.
6. Don’t Talk Politics
In today’s polarized climate, sharing political opinions can turn first dates unnecessarily contentious. As dating experts discovered, simply asking if your date prefers simplicity or complexity reveals their likely political leanings without confrontation about specific partisan issues. Save that passionate policy debate for later when you know you have enough nonpolitical chemistry to handle disagreements respectfully.
7. Don’t Complain About Your Job
A first date centers around making a positive personal impression, not venting professional frustrations. Droning on about workplace drama or how much you despise your boss comes across as negative and shallow rather than opening insightful dialogue. Instead, share your ambitions, passions and what motivates you to connect on a deeper level through that filter.
8. Don’t Talk About Your Finances
Money can be a sensitive subject tied to self-worth and goals, so avoid finance talk on an early date. Discussing incomes, debt or expenses can easily come across as bragging or fishing for a wealthy partner. Focus instead on common interests and values to see if you have compatible outlooks on relationships in general. Finer financial details have their time and place in partnerships down the road.
9. Don’t Bring Up Physical Insecurities
It’s common to feel self-conscious when making a first impression, but try to project confidence to put your date at ease. Research shows that appearing unsure of yourself by soliciting validation for perceived flaws undermines making a genuine connection. Wait until you know your companion well enough to talk through deeper insecurities that might get in the way of intimacy.
10. Don’t Share Past Trauma or Abuse
Early dates represent testing compatibility, not deep therapy sessions. As tough as past experiences like abuse may have been, oversharing trauma with relative strangers could leave your date unsure how to respond appropriately. Seek professional counseling first to process hurts that could undermine forming healthy relationships. Once you heal, it won’t define or burden new dating prospects.
11. Don’t Talk About Past Relationship Regrets
As an experienced relationship coach, clients often confess massive regrets about past romantic choices to me in sessions. However, spilling all relationship doubts and perceived mistakes with your new date casts you in a negative light unlikely to impress them. Simply share relationship lessons learned generically unless directly asked for details well down the road.
12. Don’t Make Excuses for Running Late
In our hurried world, scheduling conflicts and delays sometimes happen despite best intentions, so feeling flustered about lateness is understandable. However, launching into excuses or overexplaining reasons for being late comes across as thoughtless towards your date’s time or presumptuous of their flexibility. A simple apology and refocusing conversation on them shows more consideration and accountability.
13. Don’t Critique the Date Midway Through
First date jitters often compel nervous chatter about how things are going to fill awkward pauses: “Is this weird? Sorry, I’m not used to this.” However, constantly questioning or critiquing the flow of conversation sends signals you are unsatisfied orGraphs uninterested. Avoid overanalyzing things in the moment so you both can relax and enjoy learning about each other, paving the way for that second date.
First dates mark full of unknowns and vulnerability, so some stilted small talk and false starts come with the territory. However, avoiding overtly provocative, negative or intimate topics outlined here steers things in a positive direction more likely to yield relationship success long-term. What has or hasn’t worked well for you breaking the ice early on? Let me know in the comments!