As a relationship coach who has worked with numerous couples in long distance marriages, I understand firsthand how challenging it can be to maintain a strong connection when you and your spouse live apart. However, I’ve also seen many clients successfully navigate long distance with intention, effort, and commitment.
In my experience advising couples, I’ve found that while no two situations are exactly alike, there are certain strategies and mindsets that consistently help couples in long distance marriages thrive. In this comprehensive guide, I’ll share the most effective tips for making a long distance marriage work, drawing on expertise from relationship therapists as well as real-world examples from clients.
Prioritize Frequent Communication
Frequent, open communication is truly the cornerstone of every successful long distance marriage. When you don’t have the benefit of physical togetherness, it becomes even more vital to connect emotionally on a regular basis.
I advise couples to touch base multiple times throughout the day through texts, phone calls, video chats – whatever allows you to give and receive signs of affection and support. Send funny memes, updates about your day, or simple messages like “Thinking of you!”
It’s also crucial to set aside unrushed time for deeper conversations in the morning or evening when you can really focus. Discuss hopes, fears, and anything on your minds without distractions. Emotional check-ins prevent feelings of loneliness and disconnection.
Use Technology Thoughtfully
While technology enables constant communication, it’s important to be mindful of how you use it. Choose modes that allow you to convey tone and nuance. For example, have sensitive talks over video so you can read facial expressions. For lighter check-ins, playful texts often work well.
Occasionally forgo technology altogether – write old-fashioned love letters to create anticipation for responses. Most importantly, openly discuss any miscommunications – technology mishaps will happen, so bounce back by reconnecting.
Foster Intimacy and Connection
Physical intimacy is trickier from afar, but prioritize emotional intimacy by sharing vulnerable thoughts, reminiscing about favorite memories, and voicing appreciation. Creative intimacy-building strategies help too: enjoy online dates like virtual cooking classes or streamed concerts, exchange intimate gifts like perfumes or cologne to feel closer, and yes, flirtatious sexting if you both enjoy it!
Most importantly, give your spouse your full presence and focus during video calls without multi-tasking. Treat it as sacred time to nourish intimacy.
Discuss Boundaries Openly
Agreeing upon boundaries and ground rules upfront prevents hurt feelings down the line. Be honest about situations that could make either of you uncomfortable – certain friendships, social events, business trips, etc. Then collaborate on boundaries and check-ins that allow you both to feel secure.
Revisit these conversations periodically as needs evolve. The key is transparently voicing concerns and finding mutually agreeable solutions. With open communication, you can preemptively address challenges.
Schedule Regular Visits
Nothing replaces in-person togetherness, so make visiting a priority if possible. Experts suggest aiming for at least once every 2-3 months. Looking forward to planned reunions gives you something exciting to count down to.
When apart, stay connected by brainstorming fun activities for the next visit – maybe hiking your favorite trail or attending a concert. Research shows having these rituals enhances intimacy and satisfaction.
Establish a Defined Timeline
While long distance takes immense commitment, it shouldn’t continue indefinitely without an end in sight. Set a timeline for eventually closing the distance, whether in months or years. This motivates you to stick it out knowing it’s temporary.
Of course, unforeseen circumstances can arise, so re-evaluate the timeline as needed. But checking in on long-term goals helps you envision a future together.
Nurture Your Independent Lives
Paradoxically, retaining a sense of independence strengthens long distance marriages. Pursue separate hobbies and friendships while apart so you have enriching experiences to share.
At the same time, involve your spouse appropriately – tell them about your new yoga class, for example. Finding fulfillment individually prevents codependency, while letting your partner in on your life sustains intimacy.
Stay Present During Visits
After longing for togetherness, it’s tempting to try and make up for lost time by constantly dashing around on visits. However, compelled overplanning often leads to stress. Protect time for simple togetherness like cuddling, cooking meals, or going for walks.
Immersing yourself in your spouse’s presence rejuvenates your bond. Cherish every shared moment – don’t let them blur by. Presence is more reconnecting than doing.
Trust and Teamwork Above All
No amount of tips can guarantee success – it truly comes down to trust and teamwork. Commit to transparency, honesty and having each other’s backs.
When inevitable challenges arise like loneliness or doubt, remind yourself “It’s not me vs. my partner; it’s us vs. the problem.” Tackle issues as a united front. With mutual care and understanding, you can weather the ups and downs.
Stay Hopeful
Some days will shine with intimacy, while others may get overshadowed by distance. On gloomy days, stay anchored in hope rather than despair. Focus on the big picture of why you’re together, not just the present hardships.
Share affirmations like “This too shall pass,” “Absence makes the heart grow fonder,” or “Our love is stronger than any miles between us.” Hope uplifts during setbacks along the journey.
My Best Tips for Thriving in a Long Distance Marriage:
- Make communication non-negotiable. Set daily check-ins.
- Discuss and update boundaries constantly. Assume nothing.
- Get creative with intimacy-building. Involvement rings = commitment.
- Problem-solve together. “You and me vs. the issue” mentality.
- Visit as often as possible. Absence makes the heart grow fonder, but presence makes it stronger.
- Have a definite end timeline. Indefinite separation strains connections.
- Stay occupied when alone, but share your independent lives.
- Don’t overplan visits. Prioritize true quality time.
- Trust is essential. Water your roots of friendship and transparency.
- And above all, believe in your love and partnership. Hope propels you through challenges.
In my experience, couples who proactively nurture trust, empathy, and intimacy tend to be the most fulfilled in long distance marriages. It takes effort, but lasting love can prevail across the miles when you make consistent investments in your connection. With faith in each other and your relationship, you can not just survive but thrive while your paths are temporarily separate.
Conclusion
Long distance marriages undeniably face unique obstacles. But implementing strategies like daily check-ins, candid conversations, planned visits, and shared hobbies enables couples to foster closeness even when physically apart. While difficult, long distance is conquerable with mutual commitment, hope, creativity and trust.
By staying intentionally connected through communication, vulnerability and quality time – both virtually and during precious in-person reunions – couples can keep their marriages strong until they can finally close the distance. With the right mindsets and practices, love can continue flourishing across the miles.
