As a relationship coach with over 15 years of experience counseling couples, I’ve seen firsthand how romance is one of the most important ingredients for a happy, healthy partnership. After all, I went through my own journey learning how to keep romance alive in my marriage.
While the initial months or years of a relationship often include plenty of excitement, passion, and romance, these feelings tend to fade as the relationship progresses. The good news is, there are many intentional actions you can take to maintain or reignite that romantic spark with your partner.
In this comprehensive guide, I’ll share the insights I’ve gained over my career on exactly how to be more romantic in your relationship. Whether you’ve been together for months or decades, these tips will help remove monotony and bring back a sense of vibrancy.
Understand Your Partner’s Needs
The foundation of romance is understanding what makes your partner feel loved and cherished. Every person has different romantic needs and preferences.
At the beginning of your relationship, have an open conversation about your expectations surrounding romance. Listen without judgement to understand how your partner likes to give and receive affection.
Make it clear that you want to make them feel adored and find out specific ways you can achieve that. Revisit this conversation periodically as your relationship evolves.
Show Thoughtfulness
Romance is all about intention – going out of your way to demonstrate affection and care for your partner. The little gestures that show you’re thinking of them add up over time.
Small acts of thoughtfulness could include:
- Making their morning coffee just how they like it
- Leaving sweet notes for them to find
- Cooking their favorite meal after a long day
- Giving them a massage when they’re stressed
Grand gestures certainly have their place, but real romance is often found in consistent thoughtfulness.
Give Small Gifts
Gift-giving should not be limited to birthdays, holidays, and anniversaries. Surprising your partner with small tokens of affection strengthens your bond and makes them feel special.
Great gift ideas include:
- Their favorite chocolate bar or snack
- A book you think they’ll enjoy
- Tickets to see their favorite musician or sports team
- A picture of the two of you in a nice frame
Focus on meaningful gifts that show you pay attention to their interests. Present them “just because” to remind your partner they’re on your mind.
Express Appreciation
Words of affirmation are one of the most powerful ways to cultivate romance. Verbalizing what you love and appreciate about your partner makes them feel seen and valued.
Ways to express appreciation include:
- Complimenting something they did well
- Thanking them for supporting you
- Telling them how much they mean to you
- Describing specific things you admire about them
Speaking words of gratitude and praise nourishes intimacy. Don’t assume your partner knows how you feel – tell them openly and often.
Recreate Special Moments
As time passes, the excitement of new love inevitably simmers. Revisiting meaningful memories from your relationship’s early days can rekindle some of that magic.
Fun ideas for reliving the past include:
- Returning to the location of your first date or kiss
- Cooking the meal you had on your honeymoon
- Breaking out old love letters or photo albums
- Renting a favorite romantic movie you used to watch together
Allowing yourself to reminisce helps you reconnect with the initial spark between you.
Try New Adventures
While stability is important in a relationship, too much routine can breed boredom. Seeking out new adventures together adds an element of novelty and excitement.
Some daring date ideas include:
- An afternoon of rock climbing or ziplining
- An exotic cuisine cooking class
- Salsa dancing lessons
- Hot air balloon or helicopter rides
Pushing your comfort zones gets your heart racing in a good way. It also creates new shared memories to bond over.
Make Physical Intimacy a Priority
It’s easy to get caught up in the logistics of everyday life and neglect your physical connection. However, intimacy is essential for keeping romance alive.
Ways to prioritize physical closeness include:
- Scheduling sex dates amidst your busy calendar
- Trying new positions to spice things up
- Giving each other sensual massages
- Cuddling without the expectation of sex
- Showering together as a form of foreplay
When you make physical affection a consistent part of your relationship, it enhances emotional intimacy.
Surprise Your Partner
In the midst of routines and responsibilities, planned moments lose their excitement. Surprising your partner injects a sense of anticipation and delight.
Fun surprise ideas include:
- A weekend getaway to their favorite destination
- Cooking an elaborate candlelit dinner unannounced
- Filling their car with their favorite snacks and small gifts
- Meeting them at work with flowers and taking them to lunch
The spontaneity of surprises makes your partner feel special and loved. It also demonstrates effort on your part.
Learn Your Partner’s Love Languages
Dr. Gary Chapman introduced the concept of five love languages to describe how people give and receive love. The five languages are:
- Words of Affirmation
- Quality Time
- Receiving Gifts
- Acts of Service
- Physical Touch
Understanding your partner’s primary love languages allows you to tailor your expressions of romance accordingly. My clients often describe greatly enhanced intimacy once they align their efforts with their partner’s needs.
For example, if your partner’s top love language is physical touch, you’d focus more on sensual massages, cuddling, and sex compared to someone who prefers quality time or gift-giving.
Set Aside Uninterrupted Time
It’s easy to get consumed by work, children, and other obligations. Setting the intention to disconnect from outside demands and be fully present with each other is profoundly romantic.
During this sacred time together:
- Put away your phones and other devices
- Ask open-ended questions to prompt deeper conversations
- Offer your full attention when your partner is speaking
- Verbalize observations, feelings, and appreciation
The consistency of prioritizing quality time makes your partner feel valued in your eyes.
Flirt More
Flirting is central to the feeling of romance. It’s easy for playful banter to fall by the wayside as you get comfortable in a long-term relationship. Making an effort to flirt more releases feel-good chemicals in your brain and gets you both in a lighthearted, affectionate mood.
Ways to inject more flirting include:
- Sending flirty good morning/good night texts
- Playfully teasing your partner about their cute quirks
- Whispering inside jokes and sweet nothings
- Letting your eyes linger on their lips or body
- Finding excuses to touch more (a hand on their leg or stroking their arm)
Flirting reminds you both of your profound attraction for one another.
Final Thoughts
While it’s normal for red-hot passion to simmer down over time, there are endless ways to fan those flames in an established relationship. It does involve effort, creativity and empathy to understand your partner’s unique romantic needs.
However, keeping romance alive deepens intimacy and happiness for you both. By implementing even a few of these tips, you can inject new energy into your partnership.
The most important principle is showing up consistently and thoughtfully. Romance is ultimately about making your partner feel treasured through your words, gestures and touch. When you focus on cultivating small moments of adoration every day, you build trust and connection that lasts.
