As a relationship coach with over 15 years of experience counseling couples, I’ve seen my fair share of relationship issues. While every couple is unique, there are some common themes that tend to come up again and again. Lack of communication, sexual issues, finances, in-laws – these relationship stressors have ended many marriages. However, I’ve also witnessed incredible transformation happen when couples commit to actively working on their relationship.
One of the best ways couples can strengthen their bond is by reading relationship books together. As an expert on romantic relationships, I frequently recommend quality books to my clients that I know from experience can have a big impact. Reading provides great conversation starters and a framework of ideas that couples can apply to their own situation.
In this comprehensive guide, I’ll share the 10 best relationship books I suggest all couples read together. For each book, I’ll give a quick overview of the key ideas and benefits, as well as any critiques. I compiled this list based on a combination of expert reviews, reader feedback, personal experience using them in my practice, and overall impact on relationships.
Why Reading Books Together Strengthens Relationships
Before diving into the list, let’s first explore why reading relationship books together is such a powerful activity for couples. Here are some of the top benefits:
Provides a Shared Experience
Reading the same material and discussing it gives couples a meaningful shared experience. You get to explore new ideas together, which leads to great conversations.
Encourages Vulnerability and Bonding
Books can introduce sensitive topics in an non-threatening way. This allows each partner to open up and be vulnerable, deepening intimacy.
Offers New Perspectives
Relationship books expose readers to expert wisdom and research-based suggestions they may have never considered before. This fresh perspective can improve dynamics.
Sparks Positive Changes
The ideas, tips, and activities provided in these books inspire real change. Couples learn new skills and make positive relationship changes.
Creates Accountability
When both members of a couple read a book together, it creates loving accountability to actually apply what they are learning.
10 Best Relationship Books for Couples
1. The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman
This classic relationship book identifies the 5 different “love languages” through which people give and receive love: Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Receiving Gifts, Acts of Service, and Physical Touch.
The book includes assessments so you and partner can learn your primary love languages. This makes it easier to meet each other’s needs. For example, if your partner’s love language is Physical Touch and yours is Quality Time, you’ll know to be more intentional about those areas.
Key Takeaway: People have different ways of expressing love that stem from childhood. Understanding each other’s love language improves relationships.
2. Hold Me Tight by Dr. Sue Johnson
This book introduces Emotionally Focused Therapy techniques that counselors use to treat distressed couples. It walks readers through common conflict scenarios and provides exercises so they can have constructive, bonding conversations.
The main takeaway is that preserving and reestablishing safe emotional connections is critical for healthy relationships. Couples learn how to be more emotionally available, responsive, and engaged with each other.
Key Takeaway: Emotional attunement and responsive listening create secure, stable romantic attachments.
3. Come As You Are by Emily Nagoski
This acclaimed book on female sexuality helps women understand the context-based nature of female arousal. It refutes common myths about “normal” that pressure women, exploring how factors like stress, mood, trust, and body image impact a woman’s libido.
My female clients often feel empowered after reading it, gaining courage to communicate their preferences and needs to their partners. It also inspires them to take ownership of their sexuality.
Key Takeaway: Women’s sexuality is heavily influenced by psychological and contextual factors.
4. Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work by John Gottman
Renowned marriage researcher John Gottman shares seven principles that can guide couples through lifelong commitment: seek understanding; nurture fondness and admiration; accept influence; resolve conflicts; make life dreams come true; create shared meaning; and purposefully foster connection.
Grounded in scientific studies of couples, these principles offer practical wisdom that serves as an excellent tune-up for most relationships.
Key Takeaway: Having a strong friendship and shared vision are critical components of healthy marriages.
5. Mating in Captivity by Esther Perel
This book grapples with maintaining sexual desire amid the comfort and predictability of long-term partnerships and marriages. It challenges common advice given about reigniting passion, exploring eroticism through the lens of projecting different versions of oneself onto a partner.
The author’s perspective as a couples therapist offers thoughtful analysis on integrating security with novelty, playfulness, and mystery. She invites readers to reflect deeply on reconciling domesticity with vibrant sexuality.
Key Takeaway: Balancing stability with imagination keeps desire alive in committed relationships.
6. Eight Dates by Drs. John & Julie Gottman
Written by the renowned husband-and-wife clinical psychologist duo, this book guides couples through eight engaging, research-based “dates” focused on conversations that matter: trust & commitment; conflict; sex & intimacy; money; family; fun & adventure; growth & spirituality; and dreams & aspirations.
It intersperses the dates with helpful tools for self-reflection and building understanding between partners as they share perspectives around pivotal relationship topics. This book successfully blends research with practical activities.
Key Takeaway: Having intentional dialogues strengthens connections and relationships.
7. Getting the Love You Want by Dr. Harville Hendrix
First published over 30 years ago, this relationship guide book introduces the concept of marriage being designed to help heal childhood wounds by partnering with someone with complementary unmet needs. For example, a person whose emotionally unavailable parent caused them to become anxiously attached may be drawn towards a more avoidantly attached partner.
The book has extensive questionnaires and exercises to improve awareness and communication between partners regarding these subconscious dynamics playing out through their interactions.
Key Takeaway: Becoming conscious of unresolved childhood issues projected onto a partner facilitates healing.
8. The Relationship Cure by Dr. John Gottman
This 5-step program by bestselling author and respected psychologist Dr. John Gottman teaches readers emotional communication tools to strengthen their connections. It focuses on the bid for connection, a concept he originated through decades of research observing how couples interact.
Readers gain a deep understanding of emotional bids and are equipped with strategies to better respond when their partner makes a bid to connect. This build intimacy in all kinds of relationships beyond just romantic ones.
Key Takeaway: Responding warmly to a partner’s “emotional bid” creates secure attachment and strong bonds.
9. Come as You Are by Emily Nagoski
This acclaimed book helps women understand the context-based nature of female arousal by exploring common myths about what’s “normal.” It covers factors like stress, mood, trust, and body image that impact libido.
My female clients often feel empowered after reading it, gaining courage to communicate their preferences. It also inspires them to take ownership of their sexuality by becoming experts on their own unique arousal.
Key Takeaway: Women’s sexuality is heavily influenced by psychological and contextual factors.
10. Attached by Levine and Heller
This book popularized adult attachment theory research, which links relationship patterns to early childhood bonding styles. It categorizes people into secure, anxious, or avoidant attachment styles and explains how these impact dynamics.
Readers gain insight into their own attachment style and that of their partner, allowing them to approach relationship conflicts more compassionately. People describe feeling seen, understood, and equipped with tools to strengthen their partnership after reading this book.
Key Takeaway: Understanding attachment theory improves relationships.
Final Thoughts
Reading an impactful relationship book with your significant other can be a transformative experience. I hope this list of the 10 best relationship books provides a helpful starting point for couples wanting to get to the next level.
Keep in mind that while books can introduce powerful ideas, lasting change comes from doing the work to apply those concepts to your unique relationship. I always tell my clients that insight without action will not lead to growth.
Commit to reading one of these books together, then have in-depth conversations around what resonates and how you can each become a better partner. If you encounter resistance from your partner about reading something together, propose just reading a few chapters to start.
Strengthening relationships takes effort, but it is so worthwhile. Wishing you much success fortifying your bond! Let the reading commence.